Only = lonely?

Blogging from the iPod again so forgive the typos. The kids are
winding down from the year and all I’ve really given them is review
work from previous lessons. Naomi showed some weakness in grammar so
I’m reviewing that with her. Marcus has finally got the hang of turning
in virtual school documents (I hope). They both test next week so I’m
not sure how they’ll react to being reintroduced to standardized
testing. Hopefully they will remember that tests are designed to show where we have progressed and where we need to progress further, not as an end to progress.

Now for the introspection.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my lot in life and the unlikely roles I play – full time dad, full time minister, musician, homeschooling dad, husband and father for most of my adult life, homeowner at the age of 24, etc. I start to think about how few people I can really share some of these experiences with. Dad? Of course there are plenty of dads I could talk to, but how many are homeschooling? Homeschooler? Yes, I thank God for the opportunity I’ve had to be in my children’s lives, but being male and African American means again I’m not exactly the prototype. Musician? Most of my contemporaries are either striving to make millions or are content to play on the weekends.

At each point where I am in the center of a group, I am on the outside in some way.

So is loneliness the obvious result? Is the fact that I feel somewhat – well, different – at each point of my life a sign of progress beyond the norm, or a sign of my ineffectiveness in connecting with likeminded people? As one matures, should finding peers naturally become more difficult? And if so, what determines how you move on? After all, you have to be a stranger before you become a friend, and you have to be willing to introduce yourself into other circles before you can be accepted among new groups and be introduced to new opportunities.
But it’s the comfort of the familiar that usually frees one to be one’s self.

There seems to be an implicit uneasiness that must accompany the progression from complacency to challenge, from knowing who you are to knowing you are becoming something else. When I realize that I am in a unique position, it verifies both that I’m a independent figure, created like no one else in the world by God, but it also verifies that I am dependent on the relationships and the people around me to help me see who I am. Without learning to adjust in situations in which I am not the same as everyone else, I would not able to handle the adjustments I’ve had to make to changing situations in my own life. When you can be around others that are not like you, it can help you see other perspectives – even when you begin to adopt them. To be in the sinkhole of sameness keeps you unable to re-imagine yourself. So I’m grateful for the only-ness, if only for the reason that it means I’m willing to grow beyond what I am now. It confirms that I can be comfortable around others while knowing I am not, and should not, be the same myself.

That’s enough for now….

Looking unto the hills, acp


One thought on “Only = lonely?

  1. It’s funny that you write about this topic, as I’ve been struggling with the same issues, though in different ways, of course. Yes, I’m a “typical” homeschooling mom and yes, I “fit” into many different types of groups, but more and more, I find myself feeling that I’m on the “outside” and I’m not sure why. I “shouldn’t”, but I do. Suddenly, I feel very displaced, even in the middle of a group of women who are mostly just like me and some of them I’ve known for years. Why? I don’t know. I’ve wondered lately how I, being as gregarious as I am, can feel so isolated. It’s weird to me and I’ve never, ever felt like this before. You’ve given me some prospectives to think over, so thanks for addressing this. 🙂 Blessings!

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