The biggest change of my life is about 20 hours away from being complete.
In that timespan, I will go from what I have been, the minister of music of my church for the past 9 years, and musician for the last 15, and transition into being simply a citizen of the Kingdom, a member of a church but not an active employee.
To begin to write about this was a microcosm of the struggle I have gone through spiritually for the last year. For me to chronicle the decision making process would have been difficult, to say the least, given the readers of this blog and their intimate knowledge of those involved in my employment. But as I have made my private plans public, I’ve been freed to express in more expressive terms just what has happened in the past month.
To avoid a lengthy background, suffice it to say my wife and I have been discussing the possibilities of moving for years. We have always attempted to see ourselves in new situations and have plans to move our family into a more ideal situation socially, educationally, and financially. However, the past year’s economic morass encircled our family as well, and we saw no way of making that happen in the near future.
In the meantime, the Lord had been whispering in my ear that my tranisiton may not happen with the perfect resolution I was seeking – a music ministry with several back up musicians already hired, a new ministry job in a new location that was homeschool-friendly and economically viable for us to move to. However, God’s whispers are like thunderclaps in a glass jar. And those whispers began to reverberate in my spirit, and none of them allowed me room to wiggle out of the fact that God was not going to reveal any additional steps until I showed Him I could trust Him even when my previous source – my church ministry and employment – was not there anymore. So I wrestled until the confirmations were too obvious to ignore, and I finally let my Pastor know that I could not continue to ignore what the Lord was saying to me.
So I’ve stepped away from the church family I’ve known for 15 years. I’ve given up playing each Sunday with some of the best musicians in the country, and forfeited the chance to continue hearing weekly from some of the best biblical preaching in the world. Why would anyone give up such things?
There is only one answer. It’s not given up if it’s given to. Given to God, that is. Nothing given to God is lost, because He had it all along.
So all belongs to Him, and I’ll trust Him to take care of his children. I’m so glad I was able to hear Him even when it didn’t make sense. A faith that does not call for the stretching beyond the line of simple solutions is no faith at all. This journey, this new season, is just beginning. And I can’t wait to see what’s next.