My Crime

He never saw it coming. 

It was swift, quick, surgical. Without him even knowing it, something he had taken for granted was taken away, and it couldn’t be replaced or easily remedied by some super-human restorative process. And I felt powerful doing it. 

To have that kind of control, to be able to quickly orient the universe to fit my liking by keeping him in his proper place in mine, was intoxicating. So easy. Barely a moment had to pass before the order that I desired – the order where I was the victor and my victim subject to me – was established, and I could live life as I wanted, oblivious to any further claim on my autonomous reign. 

And I almost got away with it. 

But there it was, at the most inopportune time. The Voice.

It was the one that I had grown to dread, but not in the way that dread operates normally. It was at the same time unwelcome and welcome. It was the dread of knowing that I couldn’t escape the clarity and righteousness of that Voice, like the mist of a dawn that covered every single inch of the field of my conscience. And yet, the idea of falling into the mist, surrendering to the call of the Voice, offered my soul a cool, refreshing, cleansing sensation that beckoned me despite the fear of acknowledging my guilt. 

I wanted to run, wanted to hide. But there was no escape, and there was only one route I could take to survive the turmoil that I knew would result if I maintained my position of dominance and control. Surrender was inevitable, but I could decide how long the interim would last before the inevitable took place. I decided it would end right then. I would turn myself in.

I walked up to him, looked into his eyes, and said the words that would sentence me, and would simultaneously grant me liberty.

“Please forgive me.” 

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’   But I say, if you are even angry with someone,  you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot,  you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone,  you are in danger of the fires of hell. – Matthew 5:21-22, New Living Translation

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s