A Father’s Day

My Father’s Day began around midnight on I-95, crawling through construction traffic, on the way home from a performance where a grand total of 5 people attended.

It continued with arriving home, taking the illuminated phone out of my sleeping teen’s hand, turning off the lights, locking up the house, and prepping for today’s service.

It does not look like many of the pictures you will see today, with smiling children next to proud, smiling fathers.

It looks like work.

It looks like missing some moments.

It looks like a struggle.

Of course, the pictures that we will see represent all those hours, some of which I am experiencing at this moment.

Please don’t misunderstand. I believe time with my children is the greatest and most important part of fatherhood.

But it isn’t the only one.

It is also the hours away. The times no one sees. Where no photographer is ready to capture the perfect moment of being a dad.

Those hours I know that my dad spent, late nights at a dental office that he started and kept running year after year; nights where I knew he would come home tired and needing rest.

Those hours where I’m sure the one thing he did not want to do was the thing he did.

Stay faithful.

Provide.

Make a way financially so that he could spend the time he wanted to spend with his family later on.

I think of the fathers called away to battle. The fathers on the front lines of assembly lines. Those that never got the chance to have the children rush into their arms.

And I realize I’m blessed.

I may not have every moment I want to have with my family.

But I will treasure every one, while working to fulfill every responsibility this role presents to me.

Because the picture I want my kids to see is a complete one.

One where they see me having fun with them, and also one where they see the dedication necessary to provide for them.

I pray every father will also know every moment, both those with your children, and those where you have to be away, are important.

Thank you, Dad, for fulfilling both of these roles extremely well.

I see a little bit of you in myself at this moment.

And it feels good.

A reminder to remember

As we near the end of another academic year and my middle son’s impending graduation, I’m struck by the speed at which time has passed. It seems we started this family-learning journey just yesterday, yet it has been almost 10 years since we began. After moving our family 3 times, a plethora of career changes and many curricula switches, much of our homeschool past has faded into the recesses of my memory. But I haven’t forgotten everything.

I still remember how scary the word ‘homeschool’ once was.

I still remember the looks my teaching colleagues gave me when I said we were taking our kids out of public school. 

I still remember not knowing what to do first. Or second. Or at all. 

I still remember my timid entrance into the first co-op, surrounded by well-meaning but slightly confused moms trying to figure out what I was doing there without my wife. 

I still remember the weeks that I was sure the kids were learning absolutely nothing. 

I still remember my wife and I debating if we had made a mistake. 

However, I also remember how our children found their stride. 

I remember how they grew in confidence and in their ability to overcome challenges. 

I remember lots of laughter. Lots of time to enjoy our children. Lots of unexpected joy. 

And I can’t forget to remember, now that we’re nearing the end. Because that memory is what makes the next chapter of our family-learning so exciting.

I can’t wait to see what I’ll have to remember to remember next.

Battery Drain

I put six batteries in a keyboard I was using. When I went to turn on the device, it had no power. I quickly assumed the batteries were dead, and threw all six away.

I went and got another six batteries. Again there was no power. But this time I checked the batteries and found I hadn’t pressed one all the way in. Of course, once the loose one was secure in its slot, the power came on.

I wonder how many times I’ve done that with God’s promises.

I installed them in my life, expecting immediate results. When I didn’t see the lights of success come on immediately, I threw out the entire bunch, rather than check to see if I simply hadn’t pressed hard enough.

I may have thrown out perfectly good promises because I neglected to press.

Fathers, mothers, families: Don’t throw out God’s promises for your children. Our power is limited. His is limitless. We just need to check the connection.

#LessonsFromABattery

Our Homeschooling Goal for 2015

As we begin a new calendar year of homeschooling (we’ve been homeschooling since 2006), my family continues to have the same struggles that most home-school families go through. We worry over schedules, completed assignments, whether our kids have made adequate progress in their studies, and whether they will be prepared for college if they choose to go.

All of these issues are important to manage in the short term.  But the most pressing question we ask ourselves every year is, “Is our home-school helping our children to fulfill their purpose and destiny in life?”

As if that were an easy question to answer.

Even though my wife and I are tempted to focus on the ‘what, when and where’ of educating our children, the focus must be continue to be on the ‘why.’ Why is it that they need to be able to discern truth and beauty, and why is their spiritual growth even more important than their intellectual growth?  It’s because we believe they are not just preparing for a career, but for a calling.

The skills our children gain through studies of various subjects will help them to succeed in the workplace and in our modern culture. But the development of their character and their God-given gifts will provide the foundation for their divine purpose. I can’t determine the success of our home-school by their acceptance to a college, or when they are hired for their first job. These things are just tools that their Father will use as they pursue their true calling – to glorify Him through a selfless and joy-filled life dedicated to serving others in whatever capacity He designed for them.

Of course we have educational milestones we’d like our kids to reach, and we’ll continue to challenge them intellectually. However, if at the end of this year, our children are closer to God and more confident in utilizing the gifts that He blessed them with, then we will have achieved our primary goal for 2015. If we seek the Kingdom first in our home-school, then, as Matthew 6:33 promises, all these ‘things’ we often worry about will be added in due time.

Comments welcome: What goals have you set for your family this year? How do you plan to achieve them? 

September 11th – All I can Say

Nothing and everything.
Those words sum up what resonates in my heart on this anniversary of the September 11th attacks.
Nothing I can say or post will measure up to the bravery and selfless sacrifice of those that gave their lives that day.
Nothing we can do will lessen the pain of those that lost loved ones in this act of cruelty.
Nothing can explain why these things occurred.
Nothing can reason away the hate that such an act required.
But everything that we do from this moment on matters.
Everything we say to our loved ones, everyday, should be in love and in recognition of the fragility of life.
Everything that this day represents should hold special place in our hearts, and must not be reserved for any party or persuasion.
Everything that our loved ones gave on that day, and on battlefields foreign and domestic since that day, can only be properly honored by our dedicating ourselves to living lives worthy of their sacrifice.

When Words (including these) Aren’t Enough

To someone that has lost a loved one in the service of our country, I can only imagine that a Memorial Day social media post may seem a paltry effort to offer thanks and honor for that ultimate sacrifice. 

I know each person that does so, including me, does so in good faith in an attempt to honor our fallen soldiers. But I admit it feels unworthy. 

It may even be seen as a trite and simplistic way for those of us that has not endured that pain to assuage the ‘guilt’ we feel as we enjoy a day off. While those that have winced as three volley salutes were fired, and cried tears over flag-draped caskets, have to bear another day remembering the lives that they can no longer share a happy memory with, we that enjoy that blood-bought freedom can blithely post an American flag on social media and go about our merry way to our BBQ’s and beach days. 

No, a social media post or American flag cannot provide the proper honor. Nor can a parade. Nor a monument. 

Lincoln knew this when he wrote the words, “We cannot consecrate – we cannot dedicate – we cannot hallow this ground” as he attempted to speak words of honor on a battlefield where thousands paid an ultimate sacrifice for lives they would never see, and captives they would never know were freed. 

The only legitimate way to honor a person that has given up everything to serve a cause is to dedicate my life to that same cause. 

One can only judge whether I have honored those that have fallen by the fruits of the life I live, that their service allows me to live. 

Only if I stand boldly for the ideals they died for in the face of criticism and accusation; only if my children are taught that our rights are not given by decree or political whim, but ordained by divine Providence and protected only by the diligence of the citizen and the soldier; and only if I choose to make the song “God Bless America” more than lip-service, but rather work tirelessly in my daily life to make sure America is a land God would desire to bless, can I truly say that I honor those that gave their lives in battles both foreign, and domestic. 

And so, my Memorial Day tribute does not start, or end, with this post. It is only a reminder to myself of what it means to honor those that gave all. 

Lincoln states this better than I ever could. 

“It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us – that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here gave the last full measure of devotion – that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain – that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.” 

The words aren’t enough. But to those that have lost a loved one in the service of our country, I pray that our lives demonstrate in some small way the level of gratitude we feel towards you and the sacrifice your dear one made for us.

The Wisest Day of the Year

 

I recently caught the flu. It was a miserable few days of aches and pains, sleepless nights and myriad medicines. 

It was not improved by the well meaning but constant barrage of tips and advice from both family and perfect strangers on the best ways to combat this illness. It seems when we see someone trying to fight through something, we all become experts on that topic.

Such it is with the coming of a new year.

At the end of the year, everyone becomes a poet, a scholar, a historian, an alliterative genius. Even prophetic gifts are bestowed on those that haven’t read a passage from Isaiah since last Easter. We all seem to gain perspective and wisdom, and we can’t wait to share it. Just one glance at your Facebook or Twitter feed today is all the evidence you need. 

It certainly isn’t a bad thing to be reflective. But I wonder why we feel this urge to become wise and reflective from one 24 hour period to the next.  It’s common knowledge that most of our resolutions and revelations will be forgotten in a few weeks, yet we feel we must make some assessment of the past and a declaration for the future. It almost feels wrong not to do so. 

I believe God gave us a desire to know and share the wisdom that time provides us. We are innately aware of the principles of Ecclesiastes – “To everything there is a season” – and of Psalm 90:12, where Moses opines on our mortality, then asks God to “teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom”. Every human being understands that as time passes we are supposed to gain wisdom from our lives’ experience on how to live better. 

The problem is that time was never supposed to be our only teacher. 

As we were originally created, we were supposed to live eternally. Sin made that eternity a promise we would have to wait for. God saw that we didn’t learn what we needed to learn in our chance with eternity, so He gave us a tutor – time. Eternity is no longer an unbroken reality for us, but Ecclesiastes also states that ‘God set eternity in our hearts’. So, we know we are supposed to have an eternal view of life, yet we are cornered into a finite, time – based view of our reality. Now, like any  patient but frustrated tutor , Time tries to teach us what we could have learned from the Father directly, simply by listening to Him. 

Even with this gracious gift of wisdom, we then make another costly mistake, which makes all the pithy sayings and New Year’s declarations sound hollow. We make Time our ultimate teacher, and forget the Creator of time. Sure, we number our days, but we forget that Moses started the verse as a request to God to  “TEACH US”.  We apply our hearts to our OWN wisdom, and not His. That’s why I feel all the words we hear seem to fade quickly, with no staying power. We are lost in a swirl of good wishes, ideas, and hopes for every season that have nothing to do with our eternal destiny, because we traded out the wisdom of the Father for the temporary wisdom of a calendar and life experience. 

Times and seasons become our new idols, and the creator of Time is lost in the shuffle of grand expectations that, in the light of eternity, really don’t matter very much. 

I’m not knocking speaking good words over a season or a new year. I’m simply reminding myself that if I don’t acknowledge God’s command over my life and the times of my life, all my New Year’s declarations are just a crutch that will fail me just like any other earthly source of encouragement. 

If I don’t remember to worship the God of the season, then the season becomes my god. 

So as we read all the great things that we expect from 2014, just take a deep breath and realize that God doesn’t stress out during a earthly calendar page turn. What happens in the next year won’t be a surprise to Him, and therefore you can relax if you don’t have a witty promise to repeat, or a new revelation to declare over the year. If you are are a follower of Jesus, you can be content with the words He said as he left earth approximately 1,981 years ago. 

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  

I think “always” includes 2014. That makes it a Happy New Year. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Accidental Thank You to a Veteran

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It speaks to my inflated sense of importance that I was worried about what I would post on Facebook for Veteran’s Day.

As if a few pithy comments on social media could be an adequate display of gratitude to those who have given their lives over to the defense of our country. Not to dismiss those that have done so today, but I felt especially incapable of finding proper words to convey my respect for our armed forces. Perhaps my inability is due to my clear realization that I could never do what a soldier does. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, I simply can’t process the idea of pushing myself to the point of surrendering my will to a command structure that requires such extreme sacrifice. I don’t say this as a dishonorable thing, but as a high compliment to those that forge deep allegiance to the cause of freedom, to the point that they cast aside their own self-hood to complete the duty assigned to them, whatever it may be.

So my day continued with no social media thank you regarding our veterans, up until the afternoon.  I teach piano students on Mondays in my home. At 5:30 one of my newest students, an older gentlemen I’ll call Mr. V, came in. It was his second lesson today. Mr. V loves the blues. He has gnarled, thick fingers that barely fit within the keys, yet he can handle some soulful piano licks, and understands a lot of music theory. He told me that his finger injuries prevented him from playing guitar as he used to, so he picked up the piano instead.

In today’s lesson, he picked my brain about all sorts of music and piano concepts, and the hour literally flew by as we tried out different blues and jazz chords, and shared stories about our favorite musicians. I honestly could work with him for hours because of his genuine enthusiasm and willingness to learn. As the lesson ended, he mentioned coming to one of my performances. He said he would be in the area the day before, as he had a VA appointment.

I remembered seeing a military insignia on a hat he wore last week. Hadn’t really paid attention before.

I quickly took the opportunity to say thank you to him for his service, and wished him a Happy Veteran’s Day as he got into his big white van. He smiled back and told me, “Thanks. There’s nothing else I would have liked to spend my Veteran’s Day doing.”

Day. Made.

I don’t have any weapons training. The closest I’ll ever get to a battlefield is to visit a Civil War memorial site. I can’t travel to Iraq, Afghanistan, or any other overseas theater to personally assist in the fight that our military wages to maintain our security.

All I have is a little knowledge of music and a piano.

Which for one veteran, was all he wanted. So I think I know what to post on my Facebook wall now.

Thank you, Mr. V, and all your brothers and sisters that have served and continue to serve. Such as I have, I will continue to offer you in gratitude. Because you give all that you have. 

A Gift That Lasts

Every year, it seems we begin the holiday season earlier and earlier. At the time of this writing, mid-October, some are already lining up their shopping lists and scheduling their celebrations. Many of the gifts given at these celebrations will end up on dusty shelves and forgotten in toy boxes before the year is over. However, some gifts keep on giving.

The pillow below was given to me years ago by a sweet-spirited saint, Florence Holloway. Having met her when I was a young minister of music, she was one of the choir members that had been there since the church started, and one of those church mothers that you could honestly say “never spoke an unkind word”.  But her most unique talent was her gift of giving. She spent hours and days looking for the perfect gift, and during events everyone would look forward to the thoughtful items she would give to her friends and family. It was obvious that she chose them with love and care, in a way that said to you, “This is why you are special.” Clearly, that’s how I felt when she gave me this little pillow with the saying “There’s a special place in Heaven for musicians.”

Sister Holloway has since passed on to receive the greatest gift one can receive. But her little gift has continued to remind me that my gift as a musician has a purpose. For years now since then, during every morning prayer, I’ve knelt on this pillow. It reminds me that faith I possess was not discovered by me. It was a gift forged by the prayers of my forefathers and foremothers. I remember that the dear saints before me handed down some principles that support me in my weakest times.  And I’m encouraged, as Paul encouraged Timothy, to stir up the gift within me as I honor those that planted the gift in me.

Today, my gift to my descendants may not be as tangible as a pillow under their knees, but it’s just as important to pass on the knowledge that they are unique, that they have purpose, and that God has a special place in heaven for them. That’s a gift that will outlast every holiday season, and will sustain them long after we have moved on.

I hope to leave a legacy that my children can kneel upon.

The “Career Track” Trap

The ad jumped off the page and activated my D.A.S. (Daddy Alert System.)

Sometimes we lose focus in educating our kids by focusing on the wrong thing.

“Latin Tutors can earn $80 – 90,000 in private academies.”

“Finally!” I said to myself as I read over the article explaining how the tutoring field had exploded in recent years, as parents look more and more to private educational options. Finally, I had concrete evidence I could use to support my belief that Latin was a useful skill for my teenagers in our classical home school program. Of course, Latin isn’t the first foreign language of choice in business or academic circles, but now I could at least show my kids how this ‘dead’ language could be lucrative. Never mind all the times I had reminded them how Latin appears in medicine, law, etc. –  all fields that usually command a hefty salary. Explaining the benefits of this course with the “it strengthens your mind” mantra seemed ineffective. Rather, I wanted to use the more palatable argument, “You can make a lot of money.”

And then I realized – I had fallen into the “learning is for the purpose of a career / salary / achieving the American dream ” trap again.

I’m guessing that many home school and public school parents, while outwardly preaching that education is its own reward, privately think that the primary reason to introduce a subject is to advance their child’s career options. We see certain subjects as marking a path across a mythical treasure map, and each math, science, or computer course leads to the “X”, which signifies the perfect career for our kids. I’m reminded of the technical college commercial in which a middle-aged man describes his life as ‘perfect’ since graduating with a technology degree. Apparently the boat, big house, and smiling family in the advertisement are all due to his getting the ‘right kind’ of career education.

But this view does not take into account the real aim of education, which is stated in Dorothy Sayers’ essay ,The Lost Tools of Learning  as simply “to teach men how to learn for themselves”.  To take courses and classes simply to get a good job does not help a child become a better person, but only a better worker – someone who can use their skills in a certain field that may one day be obsolete. Clearly, a “Career Track Education” was not an answer for the thousands of workers that have had to change careers two, three, four or five times in a lifetime. Why prepare a child solely for a career that will likely change in a few short years?

Instead of falling into the ‘career track’ trap, I have to remind myself, even as a home school parent, that the studies my children undertake are not (just) a path to a career; they are, more importantly, a path to character, discipline, and a deeply embedded love of learning. To be a lover of learning is to be fully engaged in life and humanity, and that is something no “career track” education can teach. While I can certainly guide my kids into the necessary courses to help them succeed in their chosen field, I most importantly want them to be successful people, not simply successful employees. Getting my kids into lucrative careers will not ensure their happiness, but building their discipline, depth of understanding and wisdom will go a long way in ensuring that my children will have successful lives, and hopefully great careers that they love.

Maybe my children will not become Latin teachers at Princeton, nor mathematics professors at MIT, nor any other profession that I would imagine as the perfect fit for their training. But they will have the freedom to walk into their calling and eventual vocation because they have learned how to learn. That’s worth more than any salary a corporation can provide.

What is the purpose of the subjects and courses that your child studies? How do you respond when your children ask you, “Why do I have to learn this?”